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[11 Jan 2008|08:05pm]
В соответствии с рекомендациями этой стратегии, целью которой является деперсонализация проблемы чувства вины, клиент собирает вырезки из газет, информирующие о катастрофах, произошедших в каком-нибудь уголке земного шара. Особенно пригодятся в данном случае упоминания о стихийных бедствиях (землетрясении, засухе, пожарах, наводнении) или же статьи описывающие авиакатастрофы, крушения поездов, разливы нефти — и т.д. Затем клиент вслух (себе или терапевту) должен доказать, что это именно он несет ответственность за все эти события. Пациент народная медицина , эстетическая , медицина журналы , здравохранение реферат заболевание , грибковые заболевания , заболевания половым путем , симптомы болезни кардиология журнал кардиология врач доктор беременность календарь беременности роды анализ крови расшифровка анализа крови глаукома офтальмология должен постараться, чтобы его объяснения (оправдания) звучали убедительно; когда задание будет выполнено, он сам удивится, как легко ему удалось возбудить в себе чувство вины.
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in the sand of dreams forever [22 Feb 2007|07:16am]



and so look at me now finally
i’ve gone so far and so fast so steadily
i’m almost sure i have forgotten you
but never did i forget the way i felt with you
as we melt together in the arms of sweet surrender
as we rushed together in the sand of dreams forever

time moved me so still
that i can't even tell what is real
i can't even tell how much i loved you
until i couldn't feel if i still do

time stood still so frequently
that i didn’t even noticed how wretched i have been
i didn't even feel how love was supposed to be
cause i was waiting for you so endlessly
cause i was standing here for you so wearily
and i was longing for you to come back to me
but you never did, you never did still
but i was waiting still, i was waiting still forever
to melt with you again in the arms of sweet surrender
to rush with you again in the sand of dreams forever


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the coming of age (february 20, 2007) [21 Feb 2007|12:00pm]



the will to be forcible
for you to see me against tides
of unwanted imagery
against unexplained comedy
of you here lying motionless
touching the skin at my back

the risks already undertaken
from the moment you smelled my hair
till your arms playfully linger on my bare hip
then in unison
looking thru the frosty window
listening to the rain pouring madly at the roof
whispering carelessly to remember
long forgotten memories taken in innocence together

the bliss left under the sheets
with you holding me closely
against your bare chest
overpowering me with your able shoulders
trapped endlessly
wanting blissfully
to be here forever
without turning back
to our lives lived in secrecy


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Describe a person you were close to, but never really understood. [13 Jan 2007|12:09am]


  He stood at the balcony alone. Hunching slightly, he looked at the children playing at the playground below. I knew he was thinking about Sharon again. Though he was silent as usual, the faraway look on his face spoke a million words.


  Everyone used to say he was tall for his age. My brother, Joe, had a rather dark complexion due to his love for outdoor activities. He swam regularly and enjoyed sailing. Whenever he was free, he would take me to East Coast Park to cycle. We would spend almost the entire day there and end it with watching the beautiful sunset.


  Though Joe was nine years older than me, we shared a rather close relationship. He was my confidante, someone I turned to when faced with trials and tribulations in life. He knew exactly how to comfort me and cheer me up when I was feeling blue. He listened without interruption to my problems and gave me wise advice.


  Since young, Joe was the elder brother figure to me. He was caring towards me and made sure no one bullied his only sister. During the school holidays, both of us would go to the beach and have our own little picnic. Surprisingly for a male at his age, he was a rather good cook. During his leisure time, he would whip up a feast meant for two, never failing to receive compliments from me.


  Joe led an independent life. He had numerous academic achievements but remained humble throughout his schooling days. Though he was amiable enough, he was never the sociable type who mixed around with everyone. He preferred to keep to himself when possible. I never figured out how he could just stay in his room all day long, reading books and using the computer. He was not like the rest of his classmates who met and played football every other day.


  As my brother was pushing twenty-five years, our mother was worried about him and nagged him to find a girlfriend. He would always give us an uncomprehensive smile, as if saying, he would eventually marry if he was destined for marriage. Joe used to have a girlfriend, Sharon. They were together for more than four years. However, they broke up without any apparent reason. My brother never spoke about their relationship and I never dared to ask him about it. Joe was a person who guarded his privacy strongly and I respected his silence. There were times though when I really wished I knew and understood more about him. Not questioning him did not meant that I stopped pondering about my queries.


  My mother had tried to pry into his private world more than once but with hardly any results. Joe resented anyone intruding his space and turned off completely when my mother tried to matchmake him. Although my brother understood her concern for him, I knew he wanted to be left alone in such matters.


  Joe was a quiet and private person but I admired his silent determination in doing things he believed in. Despite his quirks and all, I believed that the most important thing was to treasure our close relationship and there was no need for me to understand my brother until he wanted me to.


                                                                                   Done By:

Z.A.L (36)


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Love [13 Jan 2007|12:03am]



boy this is luck

true paradise

to see a goddess like you

I go soft and

am in a fantasy

of us together

entwined in a cuddle

all evening

how I adore thee


remember the day

with chocolate and roses under my arm

going near you

but sees your sweet smile for him

my dream over

gentle voice whispering to him

give a lingering blow to my soul

thou embrace him

the world goes up in flames

body wavers


I worship but

not cherished

my heart at bottom of the sea

drunk on champagne

dance naked

my soul sears forever

feel heady

blood squeezed away

never a sacred love between us

the world laughs at me

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and here i stand alone [16 Dec 2006|12:49pm]
wondrous world match my wit
i sit here waiting for my creation's admit
for my pain i wish forgiveness
for my mistake i pray of truth
as for my freedom of will you can take it
for it belongs to you

consistent reminder of an improper tool
has aloud me to breathe over the likes of you
and as i bury my emotion then hide my face
thee only thing i find is truth
the savior inside of me allows me to compete in saving you
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my hands are cold but my feeling is steaming [12 Oct 2006|10:16am]
[ mood | determined ]

i am a soul so lost so lone that i dream in shades no others could know i believe then recieve this fate from above with faith in return in the form's of true love i stare my eye's closed and know of the bold then my conscious speak's to redeem my own my prayer's at night predetor this fright that i myself have known and no matter what without a fuss i am here where i stand alone

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my hands are cold but my feeling is steaming [12 Oct 2006|10:14am]
[ mood | determined ]

every scream up top the chill phone calls off no phone calls off
technical substances abide my wish dream with me up top the chill
coldest day my frozen teeth chatter chattering songs like sounds of will only up top up top the chill my spine minds this bending feel altho now my face is pale i rest asure i impress the pure when i am up top the chill

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new to the commie [23 Sep 2006|03:36pm]
[ mood | awake ]

beauty by name
beauty in pain
but beauty substained
it's beauty in the same

beauty maintains faces so strange
like the eyes of the pleasured
and the pain of thee enrage
beauty can take it's shape in many a way's
like the cold snowflake that falls in your place
till the morning after where your hands lie next to my face
this beauty is so bitter sweet
this beauty i find in me i call my wings of release it is beauty and this is all to beautiful

it's been while i'll post newer and better mind twisting poems

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[02 Sep 2006|01:02pm]

I don't know how it happened, but it did. Somehow I grew into this, or maybe it grew into me like some sort of cancer-- cells dividing without check. I don't know. At some point I became this villain. I am born again, but not for the better and I find myself asking where the hell those highly touted principles of my youth have gone? Did that girl take them when she left me so long ago? Did I really let something so juvenile trigger all of this? 

No. This goes deeper. I am liar, and a thief. I use people like rentals. 

There are simply emotions that I’ve suppressed for so long, that I no longer feel them. I can’t. I am damaged goods; an empty apartment or condemned warehouse full of broken glass, and scattering rats with bloody feet. It is like when I kissed that girl last night. It was such an blank, rehearsed act that it feels as though it happened in a valueless fantasy or dream-- but certainly not in lucid waking life. The kiss was obligatory. She kept edging closer and closer to my face, expectant. It was pitiful. Her warm breath slid out of her lips and crashed across my face like the haughty weight of an accusation. Eventually the weight became too much for me to bear, and I gave in. I closed the hair thin gap she had left for me, and went through the affectionate motions of a human being. This poor girl really seemed to care about me. She may have thought that she loved me. Truth is, you can’t love me anymore than you can love a piece of furniture or clothing. I am less of a man, and more of an idea-- one projected by whoever is looking. I feel like a hollow sack of flesh, trapping an endless shadow. What do you see?
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[19 Jun 2006|01:33pm]

i think this community is dead cause i am new and haven't posted to see what happens and nothing has.too bad.
there are TOO MANY dead communites on here.
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[25 May 2006|05:34pm]

Other than the beatings, screamings, fights, cop-calling, "cocksucker's", meth, weed, coke, child kidnappings, women shelters, rehab homes, moves in the middle of the night, probing fingers, CPS investigations, thefts, teasing, abuse, abandonments, blood, incest, bad hygiene, weeks missed at school, late nights watching cable into the early morning, government subsidized apartments, top ramen for breakfast and lunch and dinner, psychosis, and psychosis and psychosis. Other than those things, I do have select pleasing images I pull out from time to time.
They are my substitute for affection. A stand in for warmth.
And a precursor to a split frame of myself.

I always liked sneaking into my mothers arms and worming my way into her core. Lie there for hours. It probably wasn't hours. It was maybe minutes. I liked it anyway. It seemed like when you were enveloped into such overlapping flesh and personality nothing was hurtful anymore. Nothing true in the physical world applied to this new cocoon. It was unnecessary to work the maze of someone else's world, some other's life, somebody's reality. I tell you when I let myself fall into this womens soft body, I didn't have to breathe anymore. Breath was a waste. This was rich death. My body ceased its's clamor. The noise of millions of integrated thoughts hushed and what was left was a void of life. Don't let people fool you. Voids are more important than all the fulfillments you can think of. No job, no love, no esoteric philosophy will ever replace the void in stature. In this void one can die peacefully and quietly and without the painful elderly ailments or the crushing realizations of infinity. No muddling of the mind distracting, teasing, warping or tearing apart. I liked it very much.

Later on, after mom was dead, and I lost my mind to post-adolescence, I would eat acid with my freinds. I would lie and listin to Radiohead and lose myself. And I'd come close to that void. I'd touch it and feel along it's skin with my mind. I scrabbled and clutched at it, trying to grab some it into my hands. But soon it wanted nothing to do with me. It faded with each acid trip, with each year of getting older. It eventually disappeared into itself. I had nothing, not even my void to accompany me on my journey.

Let me make myself clear, this void is not love. I said I use it as a substitute for warmth. It is not warmth. It is the anti-warmth. It is not the coldness or darkness. It simply was nothing and nothing is easy. The void was easy. It was an agreeable companion.

Now I have no companion. No matter friends and family and lovers. These are not company. These are intrusions. Invaders of comfort. Traitors of stability.

This journey is a lonely one. We start alone and god willing stop alone. My mind may trick me into believing something else. But the remnants of a fragile holy void will remind me along the way.
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Free iPod (not spam, i swear) [28 Mar 2006|09:10am]

Hi everyone. I know I don't post to this community very often, but this is pretty cool. I found this site, http://ipods.freepay.com/?r=28893614, where you can get a free iPod. All you have to do is register for one of the free available services, refer five other people, and you'll get a free ipod nano or ipod video.

Don't worry, I'm not some crazy spammer or part of any "congo line", but this is the real deal. I did some research, and I found this two articles: http://www.geek.com/news/geeknews/2004Aug/gee20040819026544.htm and http://www3.netmart.com/free-ipod.htm. Both of the articles say that this particular site has been around for a while, and actually is legit.

If you guys are interested, it's pretty easy. Just register on the site, then choose one of the offered free trials (I would personally suggest the RealArcade trial, because Real/RealPlayer is an authentic and reliable company/program. Not only is it free, but I immediately ended my trial after beginning it). After that, just get five other people to register and you should get an iPod.

Thanks for reading my post. Bye everyone.
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You want to hear something fucked up... [10 Feb 2006|01:08pm]



Go there and listen that song "End Justifies the Means" song... It's really weird and nuts, like nothing I've ever heard.

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[15 Jan 2006|01:15am]


a little something newCollapse )

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Star Lit Cold Retreat [09 Nov 2005|03:21am]

Star Lit Cold Retreat

Sweet September take away the blues of summer’s heat
And meet me with the winter bite of star lit cold retreat
Envelope me with bitter air for I may care to see
A holiday that is no more a place for us to meet
The sleet and snow I do not know but burning fire does rain
To wash us all away from here and dry up our remains
Remain no more where seasons die and nothing comes to change
How strange it is to live in bliss and never know it’s name
Where children laugh and mother’s milk is given to the kind
And father’s wrath is “Take a bath!”, no trouble you will find
For life to us it comes with ease and anger is a gentle breeze
That seizes what is in the seas of star lit cold retreat

Now new November drifts along and with it comes an aging song
That resonates within us all, before the years, before the fall
And fall we will for we are men but once when we were boys
We knew of nothing sorrow brings and only of our joys
The toys we will collect in life become a mirror of our strife
And strive I do for death to rise to clear away my tired eyes
Recall no more the empty lies of star lit cold retreat

December dawns the many yawns and longings of my soul
A goal to be a simple man and crawl out from my hole
Alone no more inside the war, I am not of the fray
I give it up and tilt my cup to toast the newborn day
When peace on earth, good will towards men is fervent in it’s might
And hope abounds inside the sounds surrounding every night
For light is come into the world and on this day we meet
To greet each other with a smile on star lit cold retreat

Though I may moan and I may ache, the pain is fleeting here
I summon up my agony but joy is in my tear
I fear no more the sinking floor that sinks throughout the year
And though my tongue is tied with glee I yell the loudest cheer
Dear God I thank you for this life and loving family
The mystery of happiness is sometimes lost to me
But though I’m blind I have a mind to conquer my defeat
And see you in that glowing sky of star lit cold retreat
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[06 Oct 2005|04:16am]

Sat in the oh so certain silence of delirium, spun out and left to sweat in the solitude of the come down, wired with static and electric blue TV screens, I lay down, close my eyes, and fall asleep...

Fall asleep and slip into the surreal musings of a sympathetic mind
Where my heavy metal mouth spits obscenity beyond design...
Where symbolism falls apart, and metaphors collapse
Reality ebbs away and the mundane becomes sublime...
Time and time again, I fall before I wake
Fall through introspection, ignoring my mistakes
Chemically embraced, I step into the twisted scenes
Sedate in the constraints of my own recurring dreams
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Music for my people... [28 Sep 2005|11:26am]



I love you.

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"Feast Upon my Illness" [24 Aug 2005|09:38pm]

What loss the world can offer me in the light of my maligned therapy
Succumb to apathy and drown in betrayal, time and time again...
Intravenous whispers and synthetic pleasure, vile absurdities of common cause
A vivid disection of the penance of the pitiless...
Fixated by oblivion that drives my obsession with futility...
I stop, I read, I write, I die alone, eating my words with my bloody hands.
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The Tempest and the Thorn [22 Aug 2005|09:09pm]

[ mood | lonely ]

You brought the warmth of the sun back into my dark world....
And the chaos of an emotional hurricane.

With one hand, I reach out to offer you my heart,
And with the other hand, I cling to it desperately....
Wanting to risk everything for the chance to bask in the glow of your love...
Afraid of falling into the abyss should you reject me.

With the daisies of your friendship,
I create a bouquet of laughter.
Even as I gather tulips and daffodils from other gardens,
I prick my thumb on the rose of your love.

Time and again, I am wounded for my efforts,
As drops of frustration and depression pour from my soul....
But still, I persist...
Desiring its beauty above all of the other blooms in the field of humanity.

I cradle the daisies and cherish them,
Grateful for their beauty and calm....
But I long for the rose....
Stretching forth my hand again,
As the tempest of the storm rages within.

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